Tag Archive: Family


 

Variable winds are blowing today which is a change from the consistent trade winds that are typically prevalent out here in the middle of the Pacific.

I watch with quiet amusement as my wife battles a fly in the living room area. It was an epic battle as both sides traded sparing moves: The fly, an expert in aerial flight was cunning but it was my wife’s expertise in acrobatic swatting with the “Paco’s Tacos” menu that was truly a sight to see. The battle ended in a tie which is probably the best karmic outcome for a lazy Monday afternoon in Kauai.

Earlier today my son bought a fluffy rooster stuff animal at the outdoor shops near what he described as the “spitting rock thinga-ma-gig” – otherwise known as the “Spouting Horn” on the Poipu side of Kauai. He named his rooster Kahu which is short for “Kahu Moa Nui” which means The Great Guardian. I think nuisance may be a better word for the infamous Kauai rooster, but love it or leave it, the coveted Rooster owns the Garden Isle. I hear one cawing right now outside the cottage.

I am intrigued how here in paradise; a place where the concept of simplicity is born, humans can bring complexity. I see the drama unfold around me on a daily basis as neighbors here in this sleepy Hawaiian village drag all their emotional baggage around (wearing their passion on their sleeves) with children it seems seeing the brunt of the dysfunction. I guess it is the dark underbelly of Hawaiian social immersion. I saw it on Oahu years ago when I used to live on the main island. Still, there is a kind vein that runs through the local people here. I especially saw it on New Years – even people in the store were coming up to each other, hugging and kissing to wish luck and prosperity in for the New Year. It seems we all have flaws; no matter what race or creed – yet the local people of Hawaii exude a beauty and harmony that is as unique as the island chain itself.

As for myself – I create my own problems – though most are aesthetic and sit right on the surface of suffering. Of course, there is my severely sprained shoulder that reminds me that I am not 20 years old anymore. Overdosing on a bowel cleaning elixir has made the last couple days interesting as well – sorry to be so graphic. But arising from the physical maladies comes a refreshing relaxation.  I would love to live this life style but who would support me? I have a home, a dog and a career that waits for me back in Chicagoland. Someday perhaps?

Today, we hike into Koke’e which is located in up-country Kauai – this is considered the spiritual center of Kauai and harnesses unseen energies in its headlands, canyons and trees. I look forward to the hike today and any mindfulness that arises from the experience.

(a special note: due to a poor internet connection, I am unable to post images. I will post an image finale once I return to the mainland as sharing the beauty through images is a necessity). Aloha

John C. Bader

www.responsiveuniverse.com

Foolishness can sometimes look you straight in the eye – the ironic thing is I am looking at my own reflection. I will try to explain. Hard wired behaviors and control patterns can be unseen governing forces as we carry ourselves in life. Sure I am a product of my own upbringing and sometimes being a parent and Father has its challenges. Sometimes I do not even know what I am doing in regard to child rearing. The whole process of life can be a blur of work, paying bills and raising children. Yet, somehow, we all move on with smiles on our faces –most of the time.

Sometimes I am tough on my 10-year-old son. Tough in ways that I think are proactive to his wellbeing and development. Am I a professional at this thing called parenting? I guess so; I have been at it for 10+ years. Still, today, I realized when I look into my son’s eyes; I am looking at myself 31 year ago – a mirror image of a child and existence that seems so far gone. Maybe that is why I do not relate to my sons frustrations and challenges as well as I could or should. Well, not anymore… Today, while on the beach in Kauai, I had an epiphany. In the reflection of my son’s eyes, I saw myself as a child: meek, soft-spoken and awkward in many ways. Though most of my thoughts do not turn to actions, I still feel bad and remorseful. Could I be a better parent? Actions speak louder than words, right?

Enough of the negativity… I turned and praised my kid for all his good attributes and gave him a big hug and a kiss. And then I gave him another big hug and kiss. No one is perfect, but we can improve – even as parents of wonderful children.

Ohana means family in Hawaiian. As New Years looms, I am very thankful for my family. We all make mistakes time to time, but the important thing is to learn from our errors and makes sure our kids know they are loved.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve in the Hawaiian Islands – more to come!

John C. Bader

 

About the Book: www.responsiveuniverse.com

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Negativity appears to be a human born trait. Why would I say that? Well, there is nothing negative about the Universe. The Cosmos which is everything that exists can be visualized as a vast concentration of quantum energy that pulses and connects across a web of particles, gravity and waves of light. In universal terms birth gives way to death and thus facilitates re-birth. Stars born from hydrogen gas will eventually die and exhale their tired gases to form new stars. Humans will also be born and then die – There is nothing negative about that concept. Yet, negativity does exist here on Earth. Born from human emotions and driven from ego, in some facet, we all harbor our own negativity – some worse than others. Unfortunately, it is a grim facet of our existence –driven by money, jealously, anger and greed, negativity in some form has existed since humans began walking this Earth.

Even the unfettered honesty and innocence of a young child can be molested by negativity. Child abuse is a good example of passing on such dysfunction. Social pressures and ego only seem to ratify and reinforce such behaviors. I personally have had several negative defining experiences in my childhood. Such negative experiences can affect us at the core of our being and mature and grow with us into adulthood. I will use a broad model that we can all base experience on: These negative experiences that I endured as a child continued to affect my self esteem all the way into high school. The control patterns that I harbored (hardwired learned behaviors) would morph from one psychological issue to another. Just when I thought I got my self-esteem under control, a new issue arose; an inflated ego. Unknowingly, I replaced my fear and low sense of self worth with a false sense of security. I fed my ego which in turn self gratified my need for acceptance.  For me, low self-esteem was the main problem but feeding my ego simply masked the problems that were still rooted to my childhood. It makes one wonder if ego really is the root of all negativity.

We are all faced with such challenges: Child abuse is just the beginning for some. When we look at the world as a whole, what do we see? A lot of suffering! Once we can let go of our egos, there is a fundamental desire fix the world. Yet, in order to do that, we need to fix ourselves first. We need to realize that negative issues can be affecting us as individuals on many unseen levels. Everyone has witnessed a myriad of positive and negative experiences that have shaped us to some degree. You must realize, however, that the shadows of the past may be concealing an enigma that is influencing your future and perhaps even the futures of others around you. For me, I noticed that anger and frustration began to surface as an adult and later as a parent. This frustration born from ego and control patterns was directly related to how I was raised as a child. Still, I acknowledged a trigger of awareness. This awareness came when I felt frustrated and angry. I used this as a trigger of mindfulness to stop and not react blindly. I directed my attention to the vastness of my True Nature; a place within us all that is boundless, constant and dependable.  Now, I have learned to make space for such control patterns that facilitate anger and frustration. When I realized I was heading down a path of dysfunction, I made a positive change in my actions. Instead of reacting blindly and reinforcing old patterns of behavior, I changed my actions for the better. I broke the chain of dysfunction by connecting to a higher level of awareness.

Next, I am going to talk about space and how it relates to us as individuals: The space that surrounds us and also the space within the mind – there lies the key to creating more happiness and less negativity.

 

John C. Bader

 

About the Book: www.responsiveuniverse.com

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Today might be a morning of philosophical tirades….

It was one of those crisp autumn mornings here in Chicagoland: Sure the sun was out at 6:15am, but it was a chilly September dawn and it was terribly difficult to roll out of bed and hop into the shower. Even worse are my son’s neurotic issues with socks. Getting him ready for school is in itself a challenge: Not only does he have to wear his socks inside out; they need to be a specific brand (the ones with the gold arrows on them!). There is a pile of other socks in his drawer (some new and ready for service) that do not meet approval and soon I am late to work because I am on a sock crusade looking for a match so he can move on to chocolate chip Eggo waffle mode. I will not even get into detail of how long it actually takes for him to put on a pair of socks – excruciating is the only word that comes to mind.

Today is picture day in the 4th grade and last night I was clearly instructed by the wife (the better half) to take my son for a haircut. Well, actually she requested this last week and I squandered the entire Labor Day weekend enjoying the last scraps of summer. So, last night after work we stopped into Great Clips to get the deed done. Of course, being that it is picture day the following day, other parents were scrambling to make their children somewhat presentable for the big photo shoot. I do not know about you, but I have a real problem waiting in Great Clips. There are unruly, snot sniffling kids running amuck in the waiting area, the stench of hair products and there is something about watching other people get groomed that does not resonate well with me.  Now I know where my son gets his sock issues from. After being told there was a 45 minute wait, I made an about-face and aborted mission. Fast forward about an hour and the bathroom floor in my house is blanketed with my son’s buzzed hair. Talk about taking matters into your own hands! That is about the time my wife walked in with her mouth agape. Shock and awe best describes that scene.

Back to this morning… Once we settled the sock issue, next was the pants debacle. My son will not wear jeans unless he is threatened. Being that I am not one to inflict more emotional damage in one day, I let the jeans issue pass – but, there is a caveat to the morning dressing dilemma: there are no clean pants other than jeans! At this point I am ready to pop a Xanax and throw back a martini. Then I paused because clearly I am well outside the radius of my center.  Writing blogs about Energy Vortexes, the beauty of nature, enlightenment and being mindful is one thing, practicing what you preach is a whole other deal. After a couple deep breaths, I found my center and then laughed out loud. Instead of feeling stressed out, I was amused by the comedy of the moment – shaved heads, socks and insanity before school. Nothing makes things better than hugging your kid and laughing about a completely neurotic morning before picture day. I just hope he smiles when the flash goes off.

John C. Bader

 

About the Book: www.responsiveuniverse.com

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John C. Bader on Twitter

 

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